Wednesday, January 28, 2009

How Could You, Matt Lauer?

DOUBLE SNOW DAY!!! What made it even more amazing was that I was supposed to have a track meet today. Thank you, icy roads, for saving me from torture!

Okay, so the other night I had the most bizarre, most vivid dream. I still can't even believe I had it. No, it's not what you're thinking, you pervs. I was watching some T.V. show, which turned out to be a makeover show. This is my dream, if you haven't caught up. Anyways, the goal of the show was to embarrass the contestant as much as possible. Making it even more exciting, the contestant thought they were on a honest-to-goodness makeover show where stylists give them good advice. WRONG!!!

Oddly enough, Matt Lauer was the host of the show. Said something like "I'm tired of my day job" or something equally lame.

So, this contestant goes into a store to meet her new fashion stylists, and they immediately try to show her this hideous, hideous jacket. I'm talking puke green with red dragons and shoulder pads. They're trying to convince her it's beautiful, and she, like anyone with eyes, is extremely hesitant to try it on. But the overly made-up stylists have their way and she puts it on...and likes it!!!! Next, they convince her to dye her beautiful, jet black hair blonde---platinum blonde, pretty much white like Gwen Stefani. Did I mention that they give her cave-woman-long extensions as well?

So she's walking around with this new 'do and attitude all high and mighty in the world, until she has a big party for her friends to see the results of the makeover. I really wish I had seen this part, but unfortunately I woke up.

And when I did, I just thought, "How could you, Matt Lauer?"

I tried to find a picture of a jacket as heinous as the one described, you know, for a visual reference, but, thank God, one doesn't exist.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Snow day!!!

I swear, whenever Maryland gets any snow (at least where I live), everyone freaks out. I'm grateful for this because it means I don't have to go to school.

Seriously, if I lived in Canada or something, I would have to go to school instead of making snow angels and snowmen (women, actually).

Oh, I have some good news!!! Well, exciting and random, I guess. If you do a Google search on "dasaloff" my blog comes up! Why anybody would do this besides me, I have no clue. Still, only a couple more years and it could end up in the dictionary! Listen to me, being all optimistic with my exclamation points. Sheesh.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Portions for Foxes

Okay, this song has literally been in my head for three months. It's awesome. Wait- it's dasaloff.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Random Knowledge You Never Thought Would Be Useful

I have never in my life used my extensive knowledge of random topics to an extreme caliber. Yesterday, during a college interview, is now the exception. Wait, make that two college interviews.

Yes, I was stupid enough to plan both on the same day.

I've never discussed Indira Gandhi and Leo Tolstoy in the same sitting. My mind was literally fried at the end of the day. Don't worry, I made up for it today by laying on my couch and watching mind-numbing television.

Well, not as mind-numbing as freaky. Am I the only one who's been watching Grey's Anatomy lately? It's weird stuff.

Thursday, January 22, 2009


Yay blog makeover! I think it's totally dasaloff.

Again with the explaining!

Dasaloff: (dah-sah-loff) adj. Excellent, amazing, wonderful, frickin' spaztastically deliciously amusing.

Yes, this word is made up. I admit to it. Now I'm obligated to tell you how it was born (I have an anecdote for everything).

One day, I was wearing a shirt that said "I can't believe buffaloes don't have wings." This, of course, was during Jessica Simpson's stupid period. Anyway, my friend somehow read the shirt backwards and saw "dseolaff" which we decided should be pronounced dasaloff. Then we ran around saying "that's so dasaloff!" all the time, and it became a word. We hoped it would catch on like in the book Frindle but it hasn't yet.

Ta da!!! Now, whenever I share funny things, they shall be referred to as dasaloff.

Have a dasaloff day!!!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009


I decided I should make a horror movie.

Setting: Grocery store. Young Janie walks in, completely gross-looking in sweatpants, not wearing any makeup. She's in the frozen foods section, deciding which ice cream to buy: Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate, or Big Bubba's Belly Buster. Suddenly *shriek* someone she knows appears at her side, holding the makings of a healthy salad in her cart!

Horrible, right? This happens to me more than seems probable! Sheesh. The days I don't bother looking nice to go somewhere random on this tiny island I see about seventeen people I'm in acquaintance with, and the days I look awesome nobody's around to bask in my glory!

Supermarkets suck.

Monday, January 19, 2009


I don't really like milk. Sorry, I know that sounded random, let me explain my thinking process.

You see, today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day, and his name is often shortened to MLK, making me think of milk. First, the movie with Sean Penn, and then the dairy liquid I only consume when chocolate flavored.

Yeah, most things need to taste like chocolate. It's kind of a requirement.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Red Leather Couch

I'm bad. I deserve a slap on the wrist. Or at least a good tsk-tsking. It's been so long since I've posted anything! I have no excuse; I will not complain about my cuh-ray-zee schedule.

Since I've been on hiatus for so long, now is the post where I'll write more about myself (since I haven't that much so far). Where to begin?

Well, I think the most interesting thing I have going for me is the story I'm writing. I have not officially begun calling it a book yet because I'm afraid it might develop a mind of its own and attack its creator.

Anyway, working title: The Not-So Meet-Cute. This I feel I should explain. In Hollywood, when people meet in a cute way, like grab for the same book or run into each other turning a corner, it's called a meet-cute. The main character in my story evidently does not have a meet-cute, thus the title. It also is the name of a song she writes for her band, Rude Compliment. Now, the origin of the title Rude Compliment for a band is kind of funny: years ago, my younger sister was behaving obnoxiously, provoking my dad to say "You're so loud!" in an angry tone. My sister, completely offended, responded:

"Well that's a rude compliment!"

Kids say the darnedest things. I decided this sounded like a band name, which it has been ever since. My sister and I used to pretend we were in the band Rude Compliment once I suggested it. We wrote hits including "Red Leather Couch" and "I Don't Wanna Be A Danger People". Yeah, I know that second one doesn't make any sense. "Red Leather Couch" was pretty catchy though:

"Red leather, red leather couch.
Red leather, read leather couch.
When I look at you,
In your red little dress,
I think of my
red leather couch."

I'm surprised it never got on the radio.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Anthropomorphic Creatures!!!

Okay, so you're probably wondering what's up with all these little cupcake bears on my blog. So am I.

You see, I decided when I was making my blog that I wanted a cute, random picture for my profile picture. Goal achieved! I typed in "pink cupcake" (because I like both things) and voila! Pink cupcake bear was found.

Since then, I have done many more searches on pink cupcakes and found many more of these bear/cupcakes. My natural curiosity made me investigate their origin.

So now I can proudly say that these pictures are the product of amigurumi. Amigurumi is the Japanese art of knitting or crocheting small stuffed animals and anthropomorphic creatures (which explains the rabbit bonbons). A little creepy, I know. But pictures of them are so darn adorable! I've already saved about a million of them to share on my blog whenever I feel the random urge. They probably won't even usually have anything to do with what I'm writing about either. How fun! I now encourage you to go look up your own creepy anthropomorphic creatures!

Monday, January 5, 2009

Things I Need in My Life

Huh. You know, I've never really known the rules about which words in a title should be capitalized. I hope I got it right.

Excuse the tangent. It comes with the random.

So I've been thinking lately about the things I need in my life lately, and a silly walk is one of them. It would certainly add to my absurdity level.

Wouldn't it be great to get a government grant to develop a silly walk? Do you need to get a patent on your silly walk? Can silly walks be plagarized?

Why do I have so many questions about silly walks? Better yet, why can't I stop saying silly walk?

I must be stopped.

I'll end this blog, but first I'll ask you to go out and develop your silly walks. Make John Cleese proud!

Friday, January 2, 2009

Identity Crisis

Well, obviously the kinks are still being worked out in my blog. The December 25th post was actually my January 1st post. No worries though. I gave that post a talkin' to. It was in an identity crisis.

Okay, a new promise has been developed. At least once a week, I will find a picture/video of something absurd that makes me laugh. This week, the absurd picture happens to be cute as well. Give me your feedback so I know whether this is good stuff or not. Otherwise, where's the absurdity in Constantly Risking Absurdity?

That kitten is definitely in an identity crisis. I can imagine a whole new Are You My Mother book is in development right now.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

New Year, New Blog

Yeah! First blog of the New Year!

Well, first blog ever actually. My first blog in the history of forever and ever (I assume I couldn’t have blogged in any of my past lives, considering there was no such capability). So I guess that makes me a blogging virgin.

This blog is the product of a New Year’s resolution to blog my random musings in hopes somebody somewhere might find them amusing rather than absurd. Since I have never written a blog, I feel I must lay down some ground rules for myself. I will not:

· Write about Britney Spears/Paris Hilton (whether separately or simultaneously).

· Make spelling mistakes. They aren’t cute when they’re done on purpose and are downright annoying when done accidentally.

· Use chat speak, such as OMG, LOL, JK, etc. (unless it is absolutely needed for emphasis or is being used as a direct quote).

Now the things I promise to do:

· Write my random musings as they come to me, which will probably result in many tangents.

· Share my oh-so important opinions.

· Try to be serious once and a while.

· Make up words whenever I feel like it (this doesn’t break the spelling mistakes rule!).

· Create a schedule for my postings (that way my huge fan base won’t go crazy with anticipation).

· Share funny videos and pictures.

· Create fun contests and polls.

· Make you fall in love with parentheses.

These lists can be amended at any time, of course, and I am absolutely open to suggestions. Give the people what they want, right?

Anywho, I suppose this is the point where I divulge all of my hopes, dreams, and secrets in an attempt to get readers to connect with me. I think I’ll stretch this out though. I want to keep you coming back for more (it’s a cliffhanger, if you will).

Happy New Year!