Friday, February 27, 2009

Kinda Like Katy Perry, But Not Really

So, today I hear a girl singing that Katy Perry song "I Kissed a Girl" with a bit of a twist:

"I kissed a squirrel and I liked it,
The taste of its squirrely chapstick."

Thursday, February 26, 2009

So That's Why It Fell Over...

So have I mentioned that I'm going to Italy this summer! I'm super stoked!!!

I'm gonna be all touristy and take a gazillion pictures. Hopefully one like this:

And, if I ever get to go to Egypt someday, one like this:

I should probably learn enough Italian so I don't get lost in Rome. Hmm... "Il tuo gatto sollievo sul mio bratwurst." Wait, that's probably more useful in Germany. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that cats don't pee on bratwurst in Italy. Darn.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Why Isaac Newton Wouldn't Have Been My Friend

Rawr. My AP Calculus class is awful. I blame it all on Isaac Newton. Sorry, Sir Isaac Newton.

Do I really need to know how fast water fills into a conical tank? Unless someday I am trapped in a conical tank filling with water, I don't think it will turn out to be useful information for me (even if I was trapped in a conical tank filling with water, what are the chances I'd have my calculator?).

And what's up with related rates? I mean, if volume and speed were people, they definitely wouldn't be blood relatives. Maybe married into the family, at least.

Sorry, rant over now.

Monday, February 23, 2009

French Fries, Suitcases, and Mafia Hit Men

Yay! I finally figured out how to show space between paragraphs on my blog! If that doesn't tell you that I'm not technically inclined I don't know what will.

It works!!!

Anyways, I found an awesome contest yesterday. It's kinda like NaNoWriMo, but with plays. It's called Script Frenzy, and the goal is to write a 100 page play in the month of April. I'm considering signing up, but April is probably going to be the craziest month of this year for me. Who am I kidding? I know I'll end up forcing myself to write something amazing in thirty days. Neglect family, friends, showers...

But the thing I found really funny about this website is that there is a little tool bar developed to help writers come up with plots. Basically, there are three sections, and when you click a button random things that don't relate to each other whatsoever come up. It's hilarious. I wrote down a few examples, in case they come in handy:

"After being bitten by rabid penguins, a ruthless gold digger can only be seen by toddlers."

"Battling a Red Bull addiction, a hamster with impulse-control problems hot wires an abandoned hot air balloon."

"After a harsh break-up, a ill-mannered Turkish diplomat rushes an elite Southern sorority."

"Tired of a monotonous day job, David Hasselhoff tries to break into pro Sumo wrestling."

"In a world ruled by earthworms, a kangaroo breeder travels back in time to kill Hitler."

"Tired of endorsing golf products, a poor, lonely french fry switches suitcases with a Mafia hit man."

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Picklish Predicament

Scholarships are a tricky business. I just found an amazing one I want to enter. All I would have to do is send in the first five chapters or first fifty pages of my novel to win money for college. Coincidentally, the first five chapters of my novel just happen to be fifty pages. Awesome, right? Bad thing: I would have to sign over my rights for two years. That's crazy talk! So right now I'm left pretty flustered about the whole thing. Money is good, but do I want to sign over my novel, my baby!? And what if it doesn't win? Then I'll be completely convinced that it sucks. Boy, I'm in a pickle. Or a predicament. Or a picklish predicament.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Cool Contest...

I just entered a contest on The Book Muncher (to win some free books, of course!)and I thought I would share my awesome poem, but my layout is stupid so it won't show indentations or anything. Anyways, check out the contest at if you want to win some awesome schwag!

More Randomness...Hooray!

I really didn't know what I was gong to write about today until I opened my e-mail. I was looking for an e-mail from the University of Maryland so I could e-mail their admissions office, and when I found one I instantly became curious about something. You know the little bar of advertisements on the side of your e-mail? Usually, these advertisements are supposed to relate somehow to the e-mail your reading, but on the side of my Maryland e-mail there's an ad that says "Gandhi Change Pendant. Be the change you wish to see in the world. Sterling pendant and chain." How does this relate to the University of Maryland at all? Another says "Sharakas are beautiful,a great concept and cool." What's a sharaka? First I accidentally Googled "shakara" and found websites of some maxim model or other. Not to say she wouldn't make a great present for some guy...but anyways, a sharaka is a memory keeper. Weird. Who knew my e-mail could teach me so much about random things? Oh right, that's kind of its job.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Giving Children's Stories a Run For Their Money

Okay, if you haven't seen this video before, you're deprived. I saw it on The Soup this weekend, and, well, you'll just have to watch it. (P.S. It plays better if you click High Quality. For those technically disabled like me, press the arrow thingy, and then "HQ")

That's what happens when you give a kid a video camera. Which reminds me of the book If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. Hmm...I must write this new book. Where to begin?

"If you give a kid a video camera,
she will probably need a blank tape.
She'll ask for some batteries to go along with it,
and that you leave her alone so she can produce a piece of art.
Then (after several hours alone), she’ll ask you to pop some popcorn
for the premiere of her new video.
She’ll giggle at every self-made joke,
while you remember you forgot to give her Ritalin.
She’ll ask to put the video online (YouTube specifically)
so all her friends can see it.
Her five year old friends have their own computers?
That’s why she’ll ask for one.
She’ll demand a Facebook to stay in touch with her friends,
who are now nobodies compared to the burgeoning internet star.
She’ll ask you to accompany her on her interview
on the Letterman Show.
When David asks you how you knew she had so much talent,
you’ll reply,
‘If you give a kid a video camera…’”

Monday, February 16, 2009

Sorry Folks, This Ain't Skinemax

You know what I've been curious about lately? That little button on top of a blog that says "Next Blog". How is the next blog decided? Is it in alphabetical order by URL or blog title? Or maybe the next blog is random. Why can't we see the previous blog? Because, seriously, I want to know what people are looking at before they see my blog. Buttons are curious things. Ha, especially the pause button. How dasaloff.

I like watching people pause.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Quantum---Just Cuz I Wanted This Post to Start With the Letter "Q"

I've been in an epic battle with my laptop for the last few days. This is my excuse for not posting. Also, my mouse has been making a weird, scratchy sound ever since I dragged it across a hardwood floor. Anyways, I found this picture of a laughing dog and it pretty much made my day.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Brad Pitt and Candy Canes

I made the most awesome greeting card ever this past Christmas, but it still won't download to my blog! Stupid adobe flash player! I guess I'll just have to describe the card in great detail. You see, it's a picture of me and Brad Pitt holding a huge candy cane together. Wait-you need to hear the story behind it.
I just happened to be walking down a snow bank with the world's largest candy cane (well, dragging it really) when Brad Pitt came up and asked me if I needed help. Initially, I was appalled by his sexist views that implied I couldn't drag the cane myself, but after staring into his eyes indignantly for a few minutes I finally relented. Oh, who am I kidding? I immediately accepted his proposal. Then Brad Pitt, the candy cane, and I headed on our way, while I tried to convince him I was really headed to a wedding chapel in Vegas (in the hopes of marrying him against his will), and the paparazzi caught us in a Kodak moment. Oh, if only this were all true!!! So, if I have not made this fact glaringly evident already, I enjoy fantasizing about male celebrities on more than is probably considered a healthy level. Let's see...anything else you need to know about me? I think that pretty much covers it for today.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Super Dork Wins Pulitzer Prize

I feel like a complete dork and I'm loving it. I just found an app for my iPod touch that let me download all of Shakespeare's works- plays, sonnets, poems - for FREE! And an app that makes light saber noises. I love being Super Dork. That's probably my superhero, crime fighting name. I just spelled crime fighting as one word by accident and my computer suggested I write "Pulitzer Prize Winning". I guess that officially makes Super Dork my Pulitzer Prize winning name.

What else is going on with me? Hmm...I just ate Samoa ice cream. That was pretty exciting. Wow, my lack of good posting material makes me feel incredibly lame. I would talk about the weird dream I had last night but it involves the Jonas brothers so it's pretty embarrassing.

Okay, I really have to do homework now. Stop trying to distract me!

Friday, February 6, 2009

Why Jacques Cousteau is Dasaloff

I really should be doing homework...instead, I decided that Jacques Cousteau is dasaloff. Why? If you must know, he is referred to in this video by the band The Flight of the Conchords. That's why. I think this video is hilarious. Not only can these guys not speak French, they also think Jacques Cousteau is a type of fish. Or they are just blurting out the random French they know. I think it's the latter.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

'90s, you were silly

YIPEE!!!! Wow, I'm suprised I just said yipee. It's actually pretty embarrassing. Let's just pretend I never said it. Ta da! I control your mind! Anyways, I'm excited because I finally found the song I was looking for. It's completely mellow sounding, but it goes perfectly with a scene I'm writing for my book. So, when I found the song I also found this music video, which, let's be honest, is ridiculous. The hair, the makeup, the artistic meaning of the video...I couldn't stop laughing. It took me back to the days I wore my jacket tied around my waist. How was that ever cool? Then I wondered, how hard is it to actually make a music video? Seriously, all it takes are some random, cliche moments (for example, sitting on furniture on the beach, talking on the cell phone with an ex, dramatic close-ups, etc.)and BAM! you've got a music video. I'm going to stop writing now. I'm upset I keep using all this onomatopoeia ineffectively. I must regroup. Enjoy laughing at this video.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Things I Need in My Life, Part 2

Sickness, track meets, and huge history books have kept me from posting for a while. Well, no more!

Over this extended period of time away from my computer, I have begun thinking about things that are extremely vital. For example, a theme song. I desperately need one. Who doesn't want a bouncy melody following them around? Or, if the music suddenly became dark and foreboding, I would know something bad was about to happen. Mostly, I want sound effects for when I say cute and funny things. Fanfare, if you will.

Speaking of music, there's a song I really need! It goes perfectly with a scene in the book I'm writing, and it's impossible to find! I've discovered the song title, thanks to the movie Can't Hardly Wait (which is hilarious) but I can't find it on iTunes. Sad!

If this song ever makes its way into my music library, a triumphant cheer will shake the world.