Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Another Excerpt!

Before we get to the excerpt, let me plug my contest.

Plug plug plug.

You guys have been coming up with some good titles! Looks like a close contest so far.

So today comes the beginning of my book. The very first paragraphs. Let's go about this in Miss Snark Secret Agent fashion. You'll read the beginning (but over 250 words 'cuz I say I can) and tell me if you are hooked or not.

Remember that this is the very first draft, meaning it is very far from perfection. Also, this is MINE, so it would totally suck if you stole it.

Jane urged her horse to gallop faster for two reasons: one, it was a stolen horse, and two, she was trying to escape. The desire to flee had shaken her bones until finally, fearing neither consequence nor death, she strode out onto open plains under a sliver of moonlight, hoping sleep would be her ally.

Ground flew underneath the mare in a fluid movement, her swift legs carrying both her and her rider into a newborn dawn. The beat of hooves reassured Jane that she was farther and farther away from her broken home. The expanse of freedom before her lifted worry from her shoulders. The confidence that swelled in her chest invigorated her to keep riding towards an unknown future.

She wasn’t running from the law, rather, from her home. Now her unsteady lifestyle was in her past and she hoped nobody would make her go back. Optimism was her guide on this new journey; Jane wouldn’t stop to let fear settle in, lest it impede her progress.

Many miles away, a small farm came to life with the bustle of morning activity. Jane’s presence wasn’t missed, at least not at the moment. A mother woke up a small girl, Clementine, and reminded her to collect the eggs for their morning breakfast. An older son, Luke, already sat at the kitchen table waiting for coffee with his stepfather, Carson.

Clementine clutched a basket to her chest as she walked to the chicken coop. As she was only seven, she was still excited to inspect under every chicken for new life. Once her task was complete, she took the eggs to her mother with utmost care, worrying that the delicate shells would crack. After they were in the hands of her mother, however, Clementine ran outside to the barn, forgetting her earlier patience. Visiting with the animals as they woke was her morning joy; she tapped a lamb until it opened its eyes so she might hear it baa. She then walked up and down the narrow aisle of the barn, inspecting each animal, until she discerned a change. Backing up slowly to the stall she had passed, she noticed something was missing. A very big something. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes, just to be absolutely positive, before running back to the house as fast as she could.

390 words. Not bad.


Davin Malasarn said...

Mariah, this story definitely hooks me in. That's a great first sentence! I also like that you go into Clementine's point of view for the discovery that the horse is missing. Excellent writing!

inthewritemind said...

I like it! It's great for a rough draft :)

Lisa and Laura said...

I love how you jump right into the action!

Sarah_DDH said...

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Hayley said...

Love, it I so want to read more. And I have to work on a title...